respect..

Yesterday, i was grumpy for some reason.
Most of the people in office hv gone for a vacation.. and I had to do loads of work.. Couldnt meet Samaksh coz of that! I hated it, alright!
Couldnt hv lunch. and was feeling damn hungry, all my simulations were failing... and senti songs kept playing on winamp!

sigh..

Reached home at some vague hour in the night..
No shops were open at that weird time, and I just dint hv any god damn thing to eat!
Was missing home so much , and since my thumb was paining so badly, Guess I was almost in tears when I opened the gate.. coz the Assamese boy's Dad looked at me a lil longer than required..

I came upstairs and after 5 min, the doorbell rang.
I open the door, and the Assamese boy was standing thr.. I was surely astonished.. coz we just NEVER talk! Heck! I dont even know their names!

the A boy - "you've had ur dinner?"
/me - "No. But its fine."
(I dint want to extend the conversation at ne cost ..)
the A boy - "Oh! Actually its my nephew's bday today.. Why dont u hv dinner with us tonight? Dont worry, I'll get it for you upstairs only."
/me - "You know, its ok. I am fine. I'll hv some milk and all. (although I knew there wasnt any milk in the house)
the A boy - No, your finger is hurt. I know you wont be able to cook anything. its kinda late too..I'll be back in a minute.
And he rushed downstairs, even b4 listening to what I was saying.

I came back, and left the door ajar.

After 10 minutes, he came back with a big casserole and a box of sweets, handed it over and rushed down. i coudnt even thank him..
i opened it.. it was full of some 3 diff kinda curries.. poori.. rice.. payasam.. pickle.. and what not.

i dint believe that i actually broke into tears when i saw it.. missed home so much.. n i was really touched by his concern..

ye know its always very easy and convenient to think abt one's own self and one's own comforts..
but it takes quite sthing, to be able to think abt others..

soemtimes there are ppl, whom we think we are close to. but they end up hurting us..
and soemtimes thr are ppl who hv no direct connexion with us, but they still care...
coz theres that basic respect.. yeah.. r.e.s.p.e.c.t ...

bckgrnd - " bhaage re mann.. - Chameli "
/me -

huh?

When some things do more harm than good - even though the 'good' part is needed very much - those things have to be foregone.
Got that ? Good.

bckgrnd - "Strings - Duur"
/me -

My department rocks, ok!
We got a Pen Drive each as a Christmas Gift today :)

Assamese boys & their hammer!

Yesterday while Shalini was out, I decided to put a string in the kitchen, so that we can hang extra clothes there.. So I procure a nail from somewhere. But there was no hammer! So after much hesitation, I thought that how about asking the downstairs Assamese boys..We dont hv much interaction with them, so it was kinda awkward, to be knocking their door in the middle of the night and asking for a hammer..No, no. I shouldnt do that.

After 5 minutes.
Knock knock.

/me(smiling) - Hello! Would you have a hammer?
the assamese boy - Yes, sure. Here!

So, am all set! I climb the stool.
Hold the nail firmly. Bang bang bang. Ah! Its in.
Some more. Bang BANG BANG! Aha! Gotten in really well..
Lemme make sure it doesnt come out again. Hold it tight gurl!
Focus at the tip of the nail! Yaa! Thats fine.
1..2...3! BANG!! THUD!!!

Ok! Damn!! I HIT MY THUMB!!! Then suddenly I saw one big fountain of blood and I was like - SHIT! I am so stupid!
And then it pained like hell! Although I dint scream and all.. but when I closed my eyes, I could imagine the faces of the most horrible people I've known!! Dont know why.. may be it was nature's way of mocking at me! :D

I jumped around a lil..and cried in utter pain! :(
Tried to distract myself by reading Calvin.. and listening to music..writing diary.. but nothing helped. It was hell. HELL!
By now, the pain had started propagatin till my elbow.. and was heading towards the shoulder.
I had just one concern. How will I press the Space Bar for atleast a week now?! Damn it.

When Shalini came, I did a lil extra melodrama. I like doing it, actually!
Then she sweetly sat by me till late night and rubbed the tip of the thumb, which had become all blue..white.. and red and what not and had swollen up really badly! She told me various stories to keep me distracted.. but occassionally I would whine.. And the radio would keep playing senti songs to remind me of all crap.. It never fails to do that!
huh!?

After one hour.
/me - Shalini! Its paining. :(
Shal(examining the thumb closely) - Hmm.. Dont think about it. How about some pain killer?
/me(crying in pain) - No. They dont work. Let it heal naturally.
Shal - Anaesthesia?
/me - Its 12.30 in the night!
Shal - Ice? I can borrow some from the Assamese boys.
/me(pouting) - Dont mention them! I WAnt no shit from them now!
Shal(in a serious tone) - Sleeping pills?
/me(thinking) - Nice idea. But where do we get them at this hour?
Shal(smiling) - Hmm.. We also have some half a bottle of Long Island Iced tea. Want some?
/me(eyes popped out) - w0w! Sure! Lets have it. It's been sitting there since July. Vintage Wine! aha!

So Shalini jumps out of the bed and gets the 500 ml bottle, which is half full.
Shal - Dunk it Sugz!
/me - Should I?
Shal - Ok, have some. It'll help you catch some sleep.

Gulp Gulp Gulp.
GULP GULP!!

After 1 hour. No effect.
AFter 2 hours. No effect.

The pain had started aggravating now. It was almost 4 but I couldnt sleep at all. It was paining horrendously.
It was only around 5.30 - 5.45 that I was able to close my eyes without visualising ugly monsters.

Came to office this morning, and everyone suggested that I must see a doc. and WHOA! alright, So he says I hv a fracture!
Man!! Whoever said that I dont hv an eventful life.. must be kidding!
I hv actually never had a fracture before..So that ways, its kinda cool..
The bad part being, that its immensely paining.. :(

bckgrnd - Van Halen - "Cant stop loving you"
/me -

Gift a Wish! :)

So I was listening to this song this morning, which basically said that. we all have the ability to make people around us happy, in one way or the other.
So I have decided that from today till the end of the year, I am gonna have a 'gift-a-wish' festival! :D
As a result, I am gonna randomly choose people around me and gift them a wish, and the wish could be anything. :)

The festival would also include /me apologizing to all people to whom I have been mean and nasty sometime during this year (I am afraid this list is gonna be HUGE!).
Besides I will also do certain things that I have always had inhibitions about! Like, beginning to eat things that move! (the other day I had this phenomenal argument with Prasad about Veg vs Non-Veg! Later I thought, that it is not justified to take a stand unless you're aware of the other side of the fence!). So bang! goes one Chick n' Spicy Pizza down my oesophagus! :D
I think my parents will hv more than one reason to disown me!!
But I believe, one must TRY everything!! :)

Yeah, so back to the Festival.
I'll call up all my forgotten friends.. and catch up with them..
In particular, Anshul..I hv no idea where he is what he is upto..
I feel shit everytime I think of the fact, that I couldnt wish him on his bday! :(
Man! If ever, there was an ogre born on the face of this earth - it was /me!!

whoa! all for today!

bckgrnd - 'Dream Theater - Pull me under'
/me -

the orange sweatshirt :)

Had such an amazing time yesterday. Went out with Roshith.. We went for a nice lunch.. then went to amoeba..then general shopping here n there..and then King Kong! :D
I was almost on the edge of my seat and he kept asking me to relax!
hehe..:D

I bought myself an orange sweatshirt :)..which was wholly Roshith's choice!
I have realised that mallus have the discerning eye for the right kinda stuff in shops..Even Shalini is good at picking things from nowhere..whereas, I am a total confused soul.

Shit I am quite excited about my orange sweatshirt. In the morning, someone said - 'Hey! you look bright today!'. I said, 'Yeah, bright and orange!' :)

I somehow dont like my hair. They are just sick. I am thinking of doing them up in some weird fashion. Pretty bored of the way they look.

bckgrnd - 'Styx - Babe'
/me -

And the reason is you :)

Dedicated to someone, who made a big difference in my life..
----
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is YOU.
-----

The song's nice.. It kept ringing in my head the whole of yesternight :)
Get it here - http://escape.nease.net/mp3/The Reason.mp3

You sure are missing something if you havent heard this one!

Disclaimer - Music Piracy is legally prohibited, morally forbidden and spiritually pernicious.

bckgrnd - 'The Reason - Hoobastank'
/me -

Shalini is angry with me..
I am such a freaking jerk, that nothing can be done about it. :grrrrrr

Went for team lunch today, to 'Sikandar' in Garuda Mall.
Got bored - bigtime. Had it not been for Anjana's company, I would have probably broken into tears coz of boredom!
I realize I am not a social animal anymore. Sigh..

bckgrnd - 'deep inside of you - third eye blind'
/me -

Yuhoo!
/me finished all work.. now just one conference call at 6.. and then I'll leave for the wedding!

Yesterday had a huge discussion abt 'piracy' in the class.. and it put me to thinking..
So hereby I resolve, not to buy any books from roadside!! (downloading music from net, is sthing I CANT STOP!! hehe )

I have a very important thing to share.. but since its soooo important.. it deserves a separate post!
Right on!!

bckgrnd- 'love is on the way - saigon kick'
/me -

i'm a believer!

---
I thought love was more or less a giving thing
Seems the more I gave, the less I got
What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I needed sunshine, I got rain..
---

nice song :)
/me is feeling cheered up now!

there was this presentation today..and i was feeling so sleepy.. that i dozed off in the middle..
can one beat that!!
i think i need some counselling!

tomorrow is rishi's wedding..
/me is quite excited abt it.. :)
hope work gets over soon and i am able to make it there..

Herez Rishi n me as the comperes for IBM Blues :)

ab hum ghar jaa rahein hain..

alvidaaaaaaa :D

not feeling good today..
donn feel like working..
donn feel like going home..

life sucks..x-(

---
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
----
:(

so madhavi's wedding is finally over. wish her a happy married life and all that :)

i hadnt been to an iyer wedding before... it was kinda nice.. but i still feel that nothing beats the kinda fun one has at north indian weddings!

but one thing is for sure.. that in the end, its all about pretention. people just sit around in groups.. and gossip..and i get horribly pissed at such occassions..
however this time around, it was slightly better.. since i dont follow tamil..and the gossips dint make any difference..
but it was ridiculous and funny - the way all the old aunties n grandmas became very fond of me during the course of the wedding!
so here i will be sitting alone in one corner, and some old aunt would come n sit next to me.. and start making some conversation in tamil and
i would just keep smiling like an idiot. gosh!! it was quite embarrassing.

met up with vinod..n his parents.. it was quite nice :).
met gnr's parents too .. i am actually quite fond of them.. :)
missed home.. sigh..

i hv realised that shalini is the best kinda person, one can ever be with.
on the contrary i am the worst kinda person, one can ever imagine being with. its actually that i suffer from the clutches of duality.
i very badly need people around me,alright. but at the same time, i cant stand too much of them.
one freaking self-obsessed, conceited jerk - thats what i am.

alright, i am in no self-pity mood right now.

feeling dead sleepy abhi. came to office directly from station with my huge bag and all that.. and lots of work to do already!

ciao l8r!

ps - the CD of IBM show would come today!! yuhoo!! :)

Kyonki...

...kyonki itna pyaar tumko, karte hain hum...
kya janoge .. hamare sanam..
hamare dil ki tum thodi see kadar kar lo..
hum tum pe marte hain.. thodi see fikar kar lo...

Listening to this crazy song since morning.. huh? the loser is trying to prove his love to this dumb gurl..
Hopeless.
Those who dont care, just DONT.

Yesterday, the day began with all its ugliness with me bang in office at 8.30 am.
Phew, I dont give a fuck if no one else comes so early, but I gotta!! I am over-inspired with this online Bhagwad Geeta that I've ben listening to for the past 2 days. hmm..
Chapter 3, alright!? Chapter 3 it is.

And then missing lunch coz I'd to go for booking tix for Chennai. I'm mostly patient when it comes to waiting endlessly in some crazy-n-a half queues. And guess thats why, God decided to get me some adventure.

Alright, so the story goes something like this. I had to book this Tatkal ticket, and there were just 20 tickets left. And I had come 58 people in the queue before me. Now the chances were high that the tix be sold b4 I reach the counter. So I decided to try my luck.
I gave my lousy bag to a chap standing in the end of the queue.
Then I went up to this decent looking old lady who was much ahead in the queue and acted like I was going to cry any moment. I told her, that how I had to urgently leave for Chennai coz my so and so relative is ill.And there are just 5 tix left in Tatkal.. and I am sure she can help me by getting the ticket for me.She agreed and looked all sympathetic. But the moment I gave her the money and the form - OH MY GOD! an old man, somewhere in the middle of the queue, screamed with all his might! Gosh!! The whole room shook!! Everyone's eyes moved towards him and then me..
"HEY YOU! YES YOU WITH THAT BLACK JACKET!!! JUST DONT DO THIS, ALRIGHT!!!"
I uttered, what a crazy loser ass!! Got hawk eyes, huh?!

I ignored him, and continued giving money to that old woman, who was still shaking and looked all guilty.. and then she denied that she cant do it. Bitch.
I felt like banging my head in the wall, after ofcourse banging that old man's!
Damn it!

So like a good gurl, I went to the end of the queue with all eyes following me. It felt Yuck, alright? Yuck!

But then towards the end of the day,it was good fun.I went out with my "EGL friends"! (For want of a better word.. hehe..)
Thanks to Rishi! :)

I met some new people as well... and Within a few minutes, I was oblivious of the fact that I was meeting them for the first time!
A few drinks down my oesophagus.. and there go all inhibitions..
Now today morning I woke up feeling ultra fresh! w0w!

And yes, alright, enuf! I gotta stop getting sentimental every time I drink :(

I won myself a gold watch on ebay for Re 1! They delivered it today and man! - does it rock or what!? Here is the proud possession of a gambler!!! /muhahahaha :-D

Things will be so much better if only there wasnt so much work!! But I love it!! :)

closer to where i started...

~~~~~
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
~~~

listening to this song after ages..
got senti.. so decided to grab a can of beer, put the feet up on the table, lay back in the chair with closed eyes..and blasted the god damn song at full volume!

man! i wouldnt be surprised if i lose my job today..
but then, u gotta do something in return for working on a sunday..
i think its quite fair..

yeah?

I'm so happy! :)
I totally enjoyed being the compere for IBM's cultural night. It was absolute fun!
Initially I thought that the crowd will be mostly nerdy types.. and there'll be no fun..
But man!! was the junta enthued or what!! It was total craziness in the crowd,, and within a few minutes I was also jumping on the stage!
Shit! It rocked!!

Made so many new friends too :)

Life's beginning to rock again!! *sigh*