~~~~
Pain is inevitable - suffering optional.

:(

I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone..

I have become comfortably numb.

Yay!!

I met Darius yesterday!!! I am so friggin excited about it!
I cudnt sleep whole of yesternight.. and I kept thinking about our meeting and kept smiling to myself!! DAmn! I cant believe it..!
I met him.. I shook hands with him.. I spoke to him.. and I TOOK A GOD DAMN SNAP WITH HIM TOO!!!! Man!! This must be a dream! It's too good to be true!!!! :) :)

Tell me its a dream.. say its a dream.. pinch me! someone, please!!?!

If the Almighty were to ask me "What is it that u want in life, my child?"
and I'd yell out - "Theres nothing else!!!!". I might follow it up with a lil dance of ecstasy too!! :)

I think I have attained salvation!! There is nothing else I need to do to complete my cycle of Karma.. muhahahhaha!

Just for the records : Darius is the coolest Radio City RJ and I am his biggest fan ever born on the face of earth! He rox! He is the wittiest of all the men I hv ever ever come across!! He has the hottest of voices and he is simply the BEST!
(How I got to meet him was, that I won some contest on Radiocity last week.. wherin I had to sing some stupid song in 3 different tunes on air..and all that crap!
I won an audio CD of 'Chocolate' and I had to go to the RAdiocity station to pick that up!)
and thats how I have now managed to give a meaning to my existence!!!

yay!!!! :)

surrounded in all the light...

Morning comes too early and nighttime falls too late
And sometimes all I want to do is wait
The shadow I've been hiding in has fled from me today

I know it's easier to walk away than look it in the eye
But I will raise a shelter to the sky
and here beneath this
star tonight I'll lie
She will slowly yield the light
As I awaken from the longest night....

a day like that....

When I opened ma eyes this morning, the first thing was to look at the wall clock.. and the second was to press the PLAY button on the CD player..

It plays..
"some people live their dreams
some people close their eyes
some people's destiny
passes by...."

Oh!! STFU!! Why the hell is this song here!!

But I let it play.. and start getting ready for office.. :(
I usually put the volume at max till I leave home..
There are these two Assamese boys who stay on the groundfloor of our house..They usually are pretty harmless and Shalini-n-me never interact with them..

But today while I was locking the door and coming down the stairs.. one of them jumped out. He looked furious for some reason..

"Do you mind reducing the volume of music from tomorrow morning?"
me (smiling) - oh! why not.. sure! ( WTF!!! Go, get some earbuds u freak!)
"Thanks!"

Bloody! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it! If people cant admire "Surrounded" (that was the one playing at full volume) they should go drink some rat piss and feel drunk too!! Loser! x-(

This was enough to spoil ma mood..but there was more to come..
When I went to the temple. I tumbled over and spilled the paatram, in which they put all the chandanam n stuff.
Oh damn! Was I embarrassed or what!!
I apologized to the priest.. but would he listen? :(

I was like : "Damn,thats a sign.."

By the way, "Toto - I'll be over you" totally rocks!
Get it here - http://www.sendmefile.com/00094082
Password : toto

Wasted time... well spent!

Yeah, now when I look at it.. thats what it is.

We all have our phases. Good.. bad...
The best part about bad ones is that you can always take a lesson from them.. and close the deal by spitting at it. Literally.

And then move on.. or atleast 'pretend' that you have moved on.
Its not easy, obviously. But it has to be done. It just HAS to be done, or you'd go to the dogs..whining.. cribbing.. being unhappy.. blaming everyone around.. and what not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Had this amazing IBM Learning Lab Programme today. It was conducted at the Le-Meridian. Was nice. Met lots of new people there..
It was apparently a forum for us to network and build relations within IBM and communicate.. and blah blah..
Generally I tend to enjoy such opportunities. But this time it was kinda funny. I could see myself holding back from all conversations.
Basically no one knew anyone there.
and when we had these tea-breaks and lunch breaks..people would just barge in and jump around and wanna talk their complete life-history out to the first person available!

I found myself so uncomfortable during all that. There was this guy who worked at EGL. I was standing in one corner sipping ma tea..He smiled at me. I tried to smile back.. but the god damn smile just wouldnt come! Then this guy walks up..and says..

"Hey! SO, which office do u work in"
"GE"
(Pause for 5 minutes)
"Oh okay! What department?"
"E&TS"
(Pause for 5 minutes)
"Oh! Good good!SO how long have u been here..?"
"a month and a half"
(Pause again)
"nice!! So what is it that u work in..? Chip design.. is it? Thats what u mentioned in the introduction round.."
"Yeah, chip designing."
(Long Pause)

Then he looked around.. and tried to smile again. Then I stood there like a complete idiot.. not knowing what to do, what to say. I was scared. I was paranoid. I was very seriously thinking of fleeing from there.

Then he said, "Excuse me"
He made a bad face.. I guess he wanted to slap me.
and went off in an opposite direction.

Frankly, I did want to ask all those questions back. Very honestly, I really did wish I could. But the words just wouldnt come outta ma mouth!
Such a thing has never happened with me..

/me is feeling quite sad.

I

I have a confession to make.

I play 'join-the-dots' game and I like it.

that is all... I am going to go and solve the Hindu Crossword now. Ok lie, I am going to go continue playing join-the-dots.

FLIPENDO! :-)

am so lonely :-(

Listening to this song since morning...
It has made me so senti... that i really feel like crying... :(

Get it here - http://www.sendmefile.com/00084129
password : lonely

You just HAVE to listen to it! :-(

a table for three please?

O.K. imagine this..
you walk into a restaurant.. not a mediocre one.. but a good one, where the eclectic category of waiters would be wearing felicitous ties with full-sleeved shirts.. and the ally would'nt be deprived of uniforms too..

so, you enter there with your chin - high, head - a lil bent towards the ceiling.. looking around with a facade of eminence at everyone.. you can smell the pleasant air freshner.. the soft jazz. playing in just the right volume...the fresh lilies meticulously placed in the centre of the tables...the dimly lit place with an elegance so spectacular! you then adjust your dupatta with style.. (ok, for guys we can hv the ties/collars) .. and then look around for the guy who would come to attend you.

one 'slightly' good-looking guy with all-smiles , walks towards you with a pen in hand .. and smiles at you.. (ofcourse you assume, he is hiding that scratch pad to take down your orders too...) .. you smile back at him and then lean a little forward.. and utter the very obvious..."a table for three please?"

THUD!!!
he moves a step behind.. his winsome smile seems to vanish in the aroma of "sambhar" n "idli" you are dying to dig your fingers into!! he frowns.. then gives you the worst huffy look!
then he looks around.. to see if there was an over-hearer ... hehe.. and then looks at you in the eye.. and says calmly - "I am not quite sure about that.."..

You stand there ShOcked!

.. and then.. THEN..

he says : "Excuse me.." and pulls the chair lying next to you.. and joins his colleague for lunch..

BANG!! CRASH!!!

i wonder how one can not die of embarrassment!! It is SO god damn funny!!
you want to laugh,, but you'd know that the guy would probably strangle you to death if you dare to show even one tooth! .. you cant move an inch.. coz u are not quite sure which way to go... the lilies suddenly seem to have a different colour.. towards the blacker shade...may be..! and the music ? what happened to the music? why is it sounding so morbid!!?

everything is so so erratic.. and yeah...funny!!! :-D

Finally.. you smile vaguely and try to get away with a situation so fatuous....
you just walk down..and occupy the first unoccupied table u see... and hide your face with ur hands....and swear never to look in his direction again..!!

Damn!! This happened with me today.. and I can still picture that guy with that baffled look.. and cant help laughing.. :-)

~~~~~~~~~~
by the way, after we had our lunch.. and we were leaving.. he looked at us and watched us going.. i thought it was decent to at least apologize for my stupidity.. so i wlaked upto him.. and said - "Hey brother! Sorry da.. i just got confused.. " :-)

he looked at me.. probably looked at my company badge in ma hand.. and said.. "oh.. no problem... by the way you are in IBM..6th floor, GE.. right? I am from ibm burlington...had a meeting with ur floor manager this morning.. and saw u there.....we were.....@#@#$#$. conference room........... #$#$%$##.........................errr.............team........%#$$@
........office.....#$#$@#!@......there........!@!#@#!#$

the rest of the words i couldnt hear.... i had almost fainted!!!!

walking away...

I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away....

sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run
but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights i'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away...

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away...

perhaps what Craig David forgot to add was "and it aint so easy.."

whatever!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P.S. - get it here!

may be i'm just blind...

*background plays *

There's another world inside of me that you may never see,
There's secrets in this life I can't hide.
Well, somewhere in this darkness, there's a light that I can't find
Well, maybe its to far away, maybe I'm just blind

Maybe I'm just blind...

So hold me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm wrong,
Hold me when I'm scared,
And love me when I'm gone.

Timeless wizzdome!

Grider's post put me to thinking (i cant do much of it, however..) but then there were serious questions coming to ma mind..and the god damn Physics degree that I claim to hold forced me further..
Hence I decided to go to oxford (a book shop) and explore the topic..
Found a coupla good books..

Essentially its been a debated topic - the definition of time.
While physical time is the public time - sthing that the clocks are designed to measure ; psychological time is private time (better called consciousness)

Now this psychological time passes slowly for someone who is, lets say, waiting for water to boil on the stove..but the clock by the stove is measuring physical time and has nothin to do with the consciousness.

While physical time is more basic for helping us understand our shared experiences in the world, and so it is more useful than psychological time for doing science.

We even have a sense of the passage of time during our sleep, and we awake knowing we've slept for one night, not one year. But if we've been under a general anaesthetic and wake up, we have no sense of how long we've been unconscious. Psychological time almost stopped!!

(Did I hear myself say "yay!!")

(Reminds me of that stupid book "Brief History of time".. how I hated it..)

and nothing else should matter...

thanks for all the comments. :-)

i think the fish should forsake the idea of 'any' owner now - be it the painter or be it anyone.

# i dont think she would find a better owner..

she has to stop being dependant on 'owners' to take care of her..
she should know how to live by herself.. and how to take care of herself.

she should jump out of the god damn jar n explore the ocean...
and nothing else should matter.. :-)