DELETED : continued ;-)

This blog is strictly on Eesh's request :D

well, I understand that people have 'doubts-n-questions-n- growing scepticism' as to why i deleted all my scraps in orkut..

there are two reasons for the suit.

Reason 1 :
Therez this friend of mine - Anadi. Known him for about 19 years now. A real gem of a person..
Now he has an unusual way of keeping in touch with his friends. He says, that to catch up on wats happening in anyones life, he simply goes thru their scrapbooks.

anadi1120 (11:30:17 AM) : when i am done with your testimonial, you'll have to promise me to do one thing

anadi1120 (11:30:53 AM): its like the dashrath-kaikeyi promise....praan jaaaye par vachan na jaaye type

cool_sugandh (1:16:35 PM): ok.. i will do that one thing..

cool_sugandh (1:16:48 PM): just that 14 yrs a lil too long for me.. please thoda reduce kar dena.!

cool_sugandh (1:16:54 PM): :D

anadi1120 (6:19:34 PM): hmmm..wat i'll ask of u will be agonizingly painful

cool_sugandh (6:19:47 PM): i am here to take the pains

cool_sugandh (6:19:56 PM): :D

anadi1120 (6:19:57 PM): :D

He often complained about the large number of scraps in my book.. most of which provided no information about wats up in my life..
ok watever..
so he asked me to reduce the scrap entries , and keep only the ones that i liked and that were apparently meaningful.
that was one reason.

(!) Reason 2:
well.. my manager marks the 'more important' emails with an exclaimation mark (!).. something which u are supposed to look at, even before ur boyfriend's mail in the inbox!..
so i have taken up this habit too :D

the year 2005 is a new beginning for me- in all aspects. i just wanted some change.
frankly, i realised that i have more no. of people in my life than the residents of Trichy! [;-)]..
although i feel great to have such a large friend circle.... i have been like that always..
but off late, i began to feel, that i had no time for myself. its only friends-friends-friends!!
i feel totally drained at the end of the day.. thinking about other people's problems.. other people's relationship hassles.. their job-stress...their love life..!

I really AM sick of it. truly.

and for a person like me, believe me, it doesnt come easily!
i basically , am the kinda person, who associates sentiments with each and every inanimate thing. right from keeping the STD fone bills from PCOs (calls made to special people), to restaurant bills with good friends( just to remember that on this date, i went to this place.. with this person.. at this time..), the bus tickets...(oh-this-is-my-last-journey-in-haryana-roadways!),
to the notes my room mate leaves for me at home..
i have more snaps in my closet, than the hair on my head.. every moment.. every day.. i am a total camera-crazy person..!
letters- cards..emails.. i just associate feelings with everything..!!

so.i am basically 'this' sub-category of cranky people..:D

sometimes it becomes very difficult to maintain this huge reservoir of memoirs!

The year 2005 - I DECIDE TO PART WITH THEM.
i need to grow up.
i have to expand my consciousness.
i do not have to treasure things simply because they depict my insecurity about everything, right from relationships to happiness.
I can just let the things be.
Its no big deal.

So, the scraps go.
the emails go.
the really old heap of cards go. (long back , as old as ,in class 1 and 2 and all.. some classmates like shikha malhotra.. sukriti sachdeva.. rashmi rustagi.. alka chawla.. aditi saraya etc.. we were great pals. and as a matter of habit, they used to give me hand made greetings on every diwali, holi, new year, even independence day !).

u know why i had treasured them this long?

I often pictured myself, sitting with my grandchildren who are troubling me to tell them abt my school and college life..
and i will want to open my old wooden almirah.. coughing..unable to walk..
one of the children will be kind enuf to help me get up from my rocking chair.... i will seek his help to find out the old rusted key of the almirah..
i will slowly unlock it... and take out packets of junk shit..
show them pictures of my college.. tell them about all my friends.. show them the collections of my life...blah blah..

then after they get bored to see their old grandma showing them some rot, they will leave..
and i will just sit near the trunk and touch those old yellow pieces of paper.. reminisce the old forgotten days..feel happy to have been thru all the bliss..

remember each and every friend of mine.. and miss the good 'ol days..


thats y.

its some silly reason. i think i need to grow past the barbie doll phase..and just learn to live in the present.

(over- explanation . i dint intend to. but it just happens .)

I am waiting for Kapil to come upto my office . He is leaving Bangalore today. Going to join Teng Associates in Chicago. I dont like it. I really dont. :-(
One good person - orkut had introduced me to.
He is a great guy. Therez 'that' one thing I appreciate in him. His being true to himself and others. Hez got way to go in life.
But I dont understand why people(not just him, but various others) want to leave India and go elsewhere.
That day , Raghu was telling me how I am spoiling my life by staying in India, yahan bahut gandagi hai and all that. and that there are no oppurtunities for growth.. and u know several such arguments..
I dont know, but if all of us will think this way.. wat is it going to lead to. Who will clean the dirt. Who will begin the revolution.
In the long run, they are all mere words. No one seems to be bothered.
may be i am talking all this, coz i dont have an oppurtunity to go abroad as of now.
its easier to say than to practise.

pata nahin.

but one must think.
one must be aware of his long term goals.
watching swades - i was in tears.
how many of us really listen to our inner voice n have the ability to go past the norms? to go past wat every one does?
how many of us?!!

we all have the herd-mentality.
but thats how it has been for long. we cant help.

i am feeling very weird suddenly.
blogging always does this to me. i end it up on lines, i never intended to write about.
and then when i see my ideas going haywire, i stop abruptly.

STOP .

Accept Perfection.

I have been very happy since morning. Dont know why.
Went for shopping to commerical street with Shalini and Rajiv. It was good. I got everything I was looking for.
There is an intersting tailor called 'Gajendra'.. who has impressed Shal big time..She says she likes his profesionalism.
Well.. this is correct. he was noting down the details and measurements very meticulously.. and when I was explaining him the single-lining and double -lining concept and how he shud put 'bukram' in the neck-line.. he was looking at me straight in the eye.. and was nodding .

I love that look! I love it, when people are sure of themselves and look at me in the eye. There is onething, which is truly enough to impress me.. and that is Honesty... and u know , u can always make that out from the eyes...
He is good. :-)

But then.. isnt everyone good?

I mean.. wat is it about some people which is not about others? Doesnt it all shrink down to perception..? Doesnt it all shrink down to how "u" view the thing?


Some time back, i had this habit of being judgemental about people. i used to weigh their acts.. i used to gauge their gestures.. and then prudently , I used to categorise them into either 'good' or 'bad'.

I understand that this is vain.
I need to forgive.
I need to accept.
I try to see love everywhere.
I have to understand the perfection of the non-stop interwoven components of this very unique and intersting world.

This world is perfect, if I see it as perfect.
All my actions.. all my emotions are perfect.
All the actions and emotions of others are also perfect - even if I choose not to like them.
Everything is perfect and in Divine harmony with the Universe.

:-)

work on saturdays is good for health!

so i am back..! :-)
but i am a lil bored of the interview story... so i will just wind it up quickly.
i left for hostel after the 2nd round.. coz he dint particularly ask me to wait..went n watched 'serendipity'.. then chilled out in SKY...then went to comm sys lab and chatted with srevats for an hour.. when suddenly it started crowding outside the placement notice board..
.. anxious .. i also went downstairs...

hughes results were to be out in 5 minutes!

i also stood in the huge crowd.. biting nails... :-( full tension..

then, the hughes team walks in. runita(the HR woman), followed by ajay goyal..then 2-3 other men.. who took initial round of interview... all walked gracefully towards us..
the 'kaante' scene flashed in my eyes.. but i immediately decided to think better things.. damn. my CAREER WAS AT STAKE!!
and then...
then....
oh-my-god! then...
instead of going directly to raghurama's office (the placement division head), they walked upto me.. and ajay goyal said... "wat sugandh.. where did u disappear? we were looking for u EVERYwhere...u dint come for the HR round!!!"

ehh..??!!! HR round..??!!!! wot..? no....!!!! oh- shit!!!! i thought it was all over! :-((((

i just died.

i said, "sir u dint particularly ask me to wait.. so i thought it was over. i am really sorry.. Now wat?". i got really really nervous.. more so.. when i knew that EVERY single person around was looking at me..

i was about to collapse under heavy guilt and self-curse.. when ...when...!!
WHEN....! ajay goyal suddenly flashed that -river-nile-smile... and said..
"oh.. its jusy okay..! :-) dont worry about it! "
then he patted me on the shoulder and turned and went inside..!!

and this time, it was my turn to smile..
yes!! i had made it! :))

so this was my intersting story about the first ever job i made in my life..

New-Fangled Brainwave!!

ahh well.. so finally i am back to the lil world i had created a few days ago on bloggers.com!
i have been on a lonnng trip! from bang-delhi-pilani.. then back from pilani -delhi-noida-delhi-bang...
such a refreshing trip man... it feels heaven to have been there! :-)
pilani is the best place to be u know... the silence.. the serenity.. the peace.. the tranquilized ambience.. everything needed for absolute bliss!
i missed all my friends so much..
wrote a mail to vinod.. my eyes almost welled up while writing that mail..

an excerpt :

"right from sky.. to IC.. to sky lawns.., to the insti..(incl our dear 2206.. cas classes)..i could picture ourselves.. talking.. chatting.. wasting time.. cribbing abt tests ... talking abt maya.. talking abt life...talking abt girls..(ahh.. ur innumerable crushes!) ,,and well yes! talking abt guys too(i too had enuf crushes..)
.. teasings.. trippings.. studies..
discussions..."

"...outside ram main entrance.. i cud really picture ourselves sitting there arnd on those brick circular things..
nothing seemed to hv changed.. just different ppl... who were probably wondering, why i am crying to see the brick structure..

it was becoming increasingly difficult for me.. to understand that we all hv moved on.. no matter how much however good times we hv had together here.. finally we all hv to traverse different paths in life...
i keep questioning self.. that if this is wat destiny subjects us to.. why the hell do we emotionally bond with other ppl.. why do we hv emotions.. why do we miss other ppl..why do we need them to be arnd?? and if we really need their physical presence to surmount the intimacy.. then doesnt it make the entire deal very superficial..?..."

then.. the amazing noida trip.. its always good..:-)
met anurup.. samaksh.. and Kinshuk..! samaksh treated me for my job with black label!
C-O-O-L.. aint it?!
i hv realized that my capacity to drink has increased..large amounts dont really seem to affect me now.. well.. not goood!! but i thought it was justified to drink after a long period.. particularly when the occassion was my FIRST JOB!!

oh yes.. btw.. i made a job in Hughes Software.. There is an intersting incident to quote..
i had a written apti test.. and after getting shortlisted in it.. i was called for the interview..
i sat all night; prepared all the shit in the world of 'computer networking'.. read 'communication systems'... tok strolls in the long-forgotten realms of microprocessor 8085..blah blah!!
damn.. i had forgotten everything...! :-(

went for the interview..

first round was technical (well.. second round was ALSO technical!!)
he began in the cliched way : "tell me about urself"...
hehe.. for a moment i thought i should say what i have written in my orkut-profile...
" Sir, I am the Infinite... which has become the body.. Would you like to recruit me? ;) "
but i controlled myself.. and went ahead with a paragraph of equal clichedness!! (eh..is that a word?? ..)
he asked me loads of questions on C, C++. comm sys.. and yes he got impressed with the PCI Bus project i did in IBM.. PCI - i knew inside - out..so i told him one huge story.. and he seemed very pleased abt having procured enuf info abt PCI!! :D

then he asked me to wait...

then anothrer dude..(some big shot in the company.. ajay goyal..) came outside witha huge smile.. and called out.."Sugandh.. u can come now.."
i followed... a bit reluctant.. but not at all tense..! u know sugs.. i had thought that i wubbe under extreme pressure and full tension and all.. but thru out the interview procedure, i was totally composed .. and at peace with myself. i just had faith.. that watever will happen will happen for good... whether selection or no-selection...

okay.. so i went in.. he was smiling non-stop and was frantically flipping thru my resume and personal info form..
then he asked me why i had given my IBM address as contact-address.. so i told him that
how i was a nomad in bangalore.. and have no permanent place for the next six months, where i can be contacted... and how i cud trust the IBM postman even after 6 months..-- such a non-witty answer was expected out of no one but MEE!!
and surprisingly, he found it quite funny...and said.."oh i see.." (with a big grin broader than river nile!)

then he asked my pref for location.. i had already filled "bangalore" in the form.. and i wondered that wat exactly has he been looking in the form .. when he doesnt know this...
i said meekly.. "Sir, Bangalore! "

he looked upset.. but was fine in a moment.

then he said... "hmmmmm... " looked at me right in the eye.. and sat back straight..
i knew , the real drama had begun..

suddenly the technical devil in him took lead and he started shooting questions.. loads abt Voice over IP.. PCM.. micro-processor timing diagrams... C.. C++.. analog electronix.. multi-vibrators ;)...packet switching... switching networks.. blah blah... thankfully i knew most of wat he was talking..ihad basically gone thru the hughes website and figured out the potential areas of its work.. and then google.com to find out wat each thing meant...

finally after some 25 minutes.. the devil in him wanted to relax!

he took a pause.. and then again.. a big smile!! i also tried to smile..
it comes easily to me.. :-) particularly in such stressful moments, when i have apprently nothing to do, i feel like doing justice to my toothpaste for sometime!! :D

then he again asked.. "No, but sugandh.. dont u think u shud opt for gurgaon posting, considering its close to kanpur..?!"

i told him, that how i like southindian culture better.. and find bang a better place to work.. coz og the young zealous crowd.. and the ever-competitive IT industry.. blah blah..
he seemed convinced..

then he said.. okay.. nodded his head like a bull ....
i asked him.. when i cud expect the results..

suddenly the 'river- nile- grin' was back..! and he said.."sugandh.. have patience.. u can go and relax.. watch a movie... and still think about gurgaon,,"

pay-shunt??!! (or pay-series!!? hehe.. electronix! ) relax.. ..?movie??? owwkay!!! wat better!! :-)

i came out..nothing particularly intersting was happening outside.. just some worried faces.. some anxious sighs.. and some eager looks..
i wanted to avoid all the "hey.. wat happened inside..?? wat did they ask you?! " type questions.. and so i straight headed back towards my hostel...
.. thinking that they might suddenly conduct a 3rd round and ask me to narrate the story of the movie i just saw...:D)

oh no.. its 6.30.. i have to meet mayukh in IBM, EGL office..and my IIM-B cuzin at 7.30..
lemme hang up now..
will continue the story tomorrow..
oh no! tomorrow is saturday.. no office?!?! damn ...
but i guess i will come .. lemme catch up on some synthesis docs that charu has askd me to go through.. no use wasting time.. anyways, i wudnt do anything gr8 at home...:-))

ole-rrite..!!!

short- break..!!

wat shit!!!

22:05 hrs
sugs.. am really sick & tired now. this IIC isnt getting over at all.:(((((
sindu just got very upset, coz a big error was discovered suddenly..
../testsuite/test42.l was giving errors...
shez leaving for rochester ina day's time.. and this is not the kinda thing we are supposed to deliver...

i just died to see her upset yaar... wat rot!!!!
amtrying my best to figure out the shit....

22.40 hrs
42.l toh ho gaya.. now 55.l is giving me creeps. IICCLK component is suddenly missing.. i dunno wats going to happen..


Sindu : second_bootstrap is defined in the testbench itself ..
Sugandh : ya i jsut saw that
Sindu : pls find out y that tc did not fail .. test42.l
Sugandh : and dual freq is defined in 42.l
Sindu : chk waveform and confirm shorting of I-slowclk and o_slowclk
Sugandh : k
Sindu : so after u figure this out .. pls make a local copy of tb , and change slowclk1 to clowcxlk2 which is defined .. and rerun
Sugandh : ok
Sindu : i need to see the log for both n/l and rtl ..
Sugandh : k


Sindu : howzit going ?
Sugandh : am running them
Sugandh : 10 hv passed
Sugandh : going for another slot
Sindu : dont del any log files
Sugandh : k
Sindu : where's the final gpio fm ?
Sugandh : docs/mycopy_gpio.fm
Sindu : k


Sindu : wuts the latest ?
Sugandh : running the 3rd slot
Sindu : rtl ?
Sugandh : ya, these ones are for the rtl
Sindu : pls ensure that ur running on latest RTL ..
Sindu : not a local copy , in cores dir, rite
Sugandh : users/mprathib/........cortex/CMVC/generics
Sindu : verilog/synth,etc
Sindu : correct ?
Sugandh : yes
Sindu : sug .. can u come up for 10mins ?
Sugandh: ya
Sindu : sug ..
Sugandh: yes
Sindu : hey come up quik pls
Sugandh : ya
Sindu i hve a call at 11
Sugandh : i am done with rtl, netlists are in runtest
Sugandh : do i quit license?
Sindu : ok


Sindu : sug .. u've left ?
Sugandh : nopes
Sindu : ok .. stil arnd
Sindu : u'l need late nite drop 2nite too
Sugandh : running on rtl
Sindu : u hve the the nos .. and the cash ?
Sugandh : yes yes
Sugandh : 55.l has some thing wrong
Sindu : or else .. leave now ..
Sugandh: i am checking it up
Sindu : Ewww !!! B-((((((((
Sugandh : no.. thats fine. let me finish rtl
Sindu : of course !!!
Sindu : if tehre's an err !
Sindu : do i want to see it ?
Sindu : is it compile time error or run time eror ?
Sugandh : let me try to fix it first
Sugandh : will get back to u, one min
Sindu : wait .. compile time or run time ???
Sugandh : some port not decalred
Sugandh : IICCLK
Sindu : compile time !


Sindu : sug
Sindu : go to crct/CMVC_Rel
Sindu : cp IICBSC.tar to some local dir ..
Sindu : untar etc ..
Sindu : there's a verif env there
Sindu : v dont need top clean up Sug !!
this is basic testcase run !
Sindu : and prat only modified RTL
Sindu not teh env


i feel like crying.. :(

just another day..

well.. a long day.. finished GPIO, GPT and UIC today. feeling better :)

i was really touched by charu and sindu's concern towards our campus placements. u know sugs, they actually sat and told us wat questions to expect regarding our projects in ibm; with ofcourse the answers. just another one of those "thoughtful" times i hv had with them in the last 6 months.
i am blessed to have such guides. each and every iota of mine respects them truly..
today everyone in office complimented me for the nice carrot-pink coloured sweater i am wearing. yipee.. kudos to my mom - she knits them really well.. :)

DELETED!!

i just deleted my orkut scrapbook!! :)

pritish and me went for lunch today in the IBM canteen..!! and we realised that the food aint that bad! hum log bekaar mein hi use curse karte hain.

update :)

guess wat.. guess wat?!!
anadi wrote a cool testimonial for me in orkut. i just wondered if i actually 'was' how i appear to the other ppl..
yesterday DJ told me that i must dispassionately talk to other people, to evade their intrusion in my personal space, and their more-than-necessary-involvement with my thought process. i am going to take a while, before i reach that realm.the way anurup was talking the other day, made me feel like one trivial soul in the land of enlightened beings...

yesterday i worked till 10.30 . when i went back home dead tired and hungry.. shalini greeted me with nice steaming hot khichdi :) sexy room mate i have!
almost done with the GPIO. Now started GPT..let me hope it gets over by evening.

First Blog!

I welcome myself to the world of bloggers. :)

Am I crazy or wat? So much work to do in office.. gotta study for campus.. not a second to spare.. and check me out.. Here I am - wasting time on such activities! Hopelessness personified!!

Btw, lemme dedicate this first entry to Kapil Varshney.. inspired by whose blog, I intended to have one too ;)
(yeah.. copy cats do exist!!)

Shud get back to work now.